Author Archives: deemallon

To find without looking

When walking on a beach or a forest trail, I am generally scouting the ground for two kinds of rocks: rocks with stripes or heart-shaped rocks. Invariably, a find feels like a gift.

This morning in Truro I wasn’t looking but found a heart-shaped rock anyway — one of the best I’ve ever come across.

This being the morning of opening statements in the election interference case against trump in Manhattan, I take the stone to mean something positive — a sign that justice might in fact be coming, coming for a nation starved for it.

Morning on the Cape
Sharp spring light
Provincetown

The wind was bracing on the Cape this weekend but my time away with a friend was relaxing nonetheless. We snacked. Walked. Read. Wrote Postcards to Voters. Not a second of TV for two whole days!

On Saturday, I finished North Woods by Daniel Mason, a challenging and extraordinary read that I might put in the same category as The Overstory, in no small part because trees feature so centrally.

The novel takes place over several hundred years in Western Mass where one piece of property in the so-called North Woods is the connecting link between various sequential stories. There are twin girls undone by jealousy. A painter who loves another man and pays the price for that. A mother with a schizophrenic son, forever holding out hope that he will somehow straighten himself out even as he frantically wanders the land, believing his footsteps are stitching the ground and keeping it pieced together.

Chestnut trees come and go. An apple orchard is planted and then goes to ruin. Elm and hemlock suffer from blight or invasive insects and vanish. Mountain lions and passenger pigeons disappear too.

The haunting spirits of people who came before affect subsequent residents to a greater or lesser degree. As my husband said, “It’s essentially a ghost story.”

Yes. And perhaps the central ghost story is the one produced by the land itself. Earlier incarnations of nature haunt the landscape with what came before, producing a sense of profound loss.

Road near where my parents built a house

Because I grew up in Western Mass (sort of), I felt an especially strong connection to the setting. I could see those fields, those trail heads, the banks of snow.

Buffy and me. 1974? Jiminy Peak visible.

Since the Berkshires might be the only place that has ever felt like home to me, the stories made me miss the place. Or the feeling of the place. Or my youth. I guess it’s complicated even though it’s an old and widely-shared story.

Schenectady, early 60’s

And then, because the climate crisis has produced terrifying evidence of the planet’s warming, the descriptions of blizzards (so many blizzards!) caused an acute nostalgia for a vanishing world. Not just dying plants and creatures, but the disruption of seasons and the loss of habitability. In other words, the book prompts mourning not just for our particular past, but for humanity’s collective past.

I’ll be thinking about this story for a while.

One of three ponds near my old house

The eradication of pests

The squirrel tried to get back in the day after Kevin from Baystate Wildlife installed a series of one-way doors. A desperate clawing. First one dormer, then another. The creature’s insistence made us wonder if she’d left a nest behind. It is the season, after all.

Lying there in the early gray light of that first morning, my heart broke just a little. We hadn’t calculated on babies.

But it’s been a week now, and no mewling’s been heard, no smaller scratchings, no stench of death. The adult squirrel apparently merely wanted access to what we can only assume is a huge trove of black walnuts in our house.

Black walnuts, forever piled up and stuck between joists, drying out, acting perhaps as an additional layer of insulation. As long as they remain dry, this crisis is over. The squirrel can go back to filling the ice skates in the garage attic and all the ski boots. My ski boots might as well serve as nut holders since I won’t be using them again, which is a different story and not one I feel like telling.

Maybe there are no young because we trapped and killed the squirrel’s mate about a month ago. Should I have kept its fluffy red tail as a trophy? No, of course not. It gave me no satisfaction to see its limp body hanging off the edge of my rain boots — boots it might’ve been intending to fill with nuts.

The desperate, clawing along the gutters seems to have stopped too. I haven’t heard the clicky, scrambling across the roof either. Hunger must be driving our former roommate elsewhere — hunger being a mandate with no room for nostalgia.

“No one likes red squirrels,” Dale told us, Dale being Kevin‘s boss. “Not even grey squirrels like them.” Who knew?

Kevin, smiling, a job well done, told us to give it a few days. I was trying to listen and think about the calendar, but the smoothness of his skin was so lovely and there was a neck tattoo to look at.

How easily I’m distracted! There’s something squirrel-like in that. “Oh, look another story about the partisan hacks on the Supreme Court.” Or, “ Oh, I just remembered there’s a fresh crisp, Pink Lady in the fridge.”

Not all distractions are bad — it’s how much sway we give them. Eating the apple, reading about how a certain ruling will overturn 25% of the J6 convictions, can be tolerated as long as the dog still gets walked, the taxes filed.

Most of the satisfaction from the newly returned silence in our living room, from the sure and final exile of an intruder, comes from knowing that a problem long-tolerated, long-worried over, is finally over. Fixed.

We can’t as a nation can’t have that, apparently — the long-tolerated worrisome thing finally fixed. Instead, we get the failure of recusal at the highest level and also at the highest level, dickering over the meaning of “or otherwise,” which I would’ve thought was clear enough, even say, for an eighth grader studying sentence structure.

So we can’t have a settled, proper righteous result. In fact, it may be that the proper righteous result of imprisoned insurrectionists that served as a deficient stand in for the imposition of consequences on the bigger players, will also be denied us.

I like that the biggest player, the biggest nastiest pest this nation has ever known, falls asleep during his criminal proceedings. It reveals his weakness. It reveals his ill health, his age, his intolerance for matters out of his control.

If only Kevin could install a one-way door that our national monster could crawl out of never to return, how much better I would sleep!

Threads, mood, and Legos

Deb Lacativa asked for pix of our collection of her threads. Here’s mine.

It has been spring-like here and the garden has called me outside. Sanity.

But everything else feels not-so-sane and I am going to have dig deeper to find some sources of strength. Nothing dire. But noticeable.

I can’t believe it but Legos still appear in the yard!

Restaurant salvation

You know you’re getting older when your doctors all start looking like they’re twelve. Okay, okay, 21.

Of course they’re not that young, but you get my point. How much faith, you wonder, can I put in this fresh-faced medical professional? Exactly how long has it been since they finished their residency?

Back when I was diagnosed with osteoporosis and had to start seeing an endocrinologist again, I almost didn’t consult Dr. R because he was so young.

Well.

He has upended my belief that older is better. Dr R is just great. He takes time to explain things. He’s not medication-happy and he sees people on time. And, this really matters, he looks at his computer, yes, but has it oriented so that he can also look at me.

(How many of you have had the experience of looking at a doctor’s back while they study a screen. I’m right here, you want to say…)

Anyway, Dr R is not only equipped with an above-average bedside manner, he is Italian. Still has a charming accent and everything. I mentioned our upcoming trip in May and shared that one of my goals was to eat a beautiful plate of fried artichokes in the Roman Jewish District.

(Don’t laugh! We just had dinner with friends whose checklist for Budapest included 14 varieties of cake!)

Even though in my limited experience, it’s hard to get a poorly cooked artichoke in Italy, I was psyched to get a recommendation.

When I got home, I made reservations. Bing! That easy! Then I looked the restaurant up on a map and found that it’s a six minute walk from our lodgings. This was one of those times when I bowed down before the internet.

Whew! Not only was this delightful in and of itself, the referral/reservation also served as contrast to other matters that are not easily resolved, not moving forward.

What? No interference? No radically differing timetables of need? No sticker shock or incomprehensible details?

(Think: self-publishing and hiring exterminators. We now know there are squirrels in our walls).

Good thing because today offers more rain and more jackhammering.

Assisi, April 2019