I posted this on FB this morning.
Our beloved Danny shot and killed himself on his 30th birthday, March 16, 2026.
He was despondent after his long-time girlfriend (and roommate) broke up with him at the end of February. Dan was also a couple of months into a job search after graduating from CU/Boulder with a BA in Communications in December — an inherently depressing process.
Either Ken and/or I have been out here in Colorado since the end of February when Danny made the first serious attempt on his life. He needed a job, a place to live, effective interventions, and a reason to live.
We knew he was still suicidal but lacked the skill or forcefulness to get him appropriate care. We certainly tried. In retrospect, he was beyond determined to end things.
Dan’s note to us said in part, “incessant overthinking, worrying, restlessness, and doubt have plagued me my entire life. I just don’t want to do it anymore.”
In addition to being tormented, Danny was funny, sensitive, and compassionate. He had an abiding love of the wilderness which shows up in his extraordinary photos of Western landscapes (insta: @solodolodan).
During the Brady years, Dan was a die-hard Patriots fan. He enjoyed the Colorado Buffs too.
His natural athleticism showed up first in skateboarding and later in snowboarding. In the last several years, he’d become an avid fly fisherman.
He was a certified EMT and though never officially employed as one, carried around medical gear in his car, just in case. He read extensively about accidents in the wilderness, particularly in the national parks.
Danny loved Stephen King and may own copies of every book he ever wrote. He ended his note to us with a Stephen King quote. “Monsters are real. Ghosts are too. They live inside of us and sometimes, they win.”
To say that he will be missed is to feel the inadequacy of language.
💔
So sorry to hear this. I have no words other than if I were with you I would offer a hug.
Thanks Betty
I’ve become so lost in this story, I can’t articulate…
You’re here and that means so much to me.
Achingly beautiful, Dee. I’m holding you all close to my heart.
Somewhere we have a picture of Danny admiring newborn-ish/baby Grace. So very sweet. Before knowing Grace’s sexuality, I would wonder if that picture might be like the one of you and Ken, in black and white, holding hands.
Grace wore lots of Dan’s clothes when little. It’s heartwarming to see young pics of Danny in clothes Grace later wore. It feels like family.
So much sadness.
My love to you and Ken and Cary.
I didn’t remember Grace wearing Danny’s clothes!
Dee~ For days and days now I have held your family in my heart and I continue to do so. May Danny have found the peace he could not find here and may his memory be a blessing, not only to his family and friends, but to those of us who met him in bits and pieces, from afar and would come to care about him because we care about you.
May you all have the love, strength and support you need as you move through these days. Words not necessary, just heartfelt honest feelings.
Much love
Thank you Nancy. Btw I had no idea that “solo dolo” was jargon until you mentioned it. It means doing something alone, independently, or in private. I never knew.
Dee~ Yes, on the down low, chilling, on your own. I wish for chillin’ for Danny, no more worries.
I have no words. The ultimate loss. I am so very sorry Dee. How do we save our children? It is the hardest thing on earth.
One of the weird inconsequential silver linings is to realize that Danny won’t have to witness this fascist government anymore or the coming climate weirding (this week temps in Longmont have reached the 80’s — almost 30 degrees higher than normal). Presumably he is at peace.
To speak of Danny, who he was, what he loved doing, what he admired, what he read, what he accomplished, is to give us such a gift. To do this in the midst of your grief, fills me with such deep gratitude for sorrow exists from coming to know him here.in your many posts. Your love, honesty, strength and courage will hold you, Ken, Cary and all in your family, as we hold you in love and support.
The other night, I scrolled thru the recent birthday photos of your little boys as well as the Italy trip; Danny, apron wearing, rolling out pasta…a snapshot forever in my heart.
Ii recently came across this quote: “Grief is love with no place to go”.. I think grief holds space, has a place to go, in the never ending love in our hearts for those who have gone. It is a testament to what they have and always will mean to us…
I will hold onto your definition of grief in this season of mourning and beyond. Thanks, Marti.
Dee I am so sorry. Words can’t describe the horror and grief. My heart goes to you and your family. We had a suicide and another death in the past 6 months. It takes so much energy to get through the days. Know that people you don’t even know are thinking of you and sending love.
Linda
Thank you, Linda.
Dee thank you for sharing some of Danny’s final thoughts with us .. along with words that help us get to know and understand better what a very fine young man he was. May you find peace and comfort in knowing that Danny is at Peace.
I’m 80 this year. When it’s my turn I’ll go find him…call out, hey, danny…I know your mom.
We’ll go fishing. Catch and release
Grace I love so much what you wrote here ..
For a non-believer I find this remarkably comforting.
Dee, my heart aches for you and your family. Brave writing! I have been wearing the shoes you now fill for just over sixteen years since my beautiful eldest son ended his life. A dramatic turn. Change. This changes you. People will say the oddest and most stupid things because they don’t really know what to say. You will discover, in your own way and in your own time, how to walk side by side with the loss of Danny. It’s the shittiest road you could ever travel. I just have tears and heartfelt condolences. Take very great care. xxx
Thank you for sharing Linda. One friend who lost her son (to an overdose but still) mentioned that all kinds of people will come forward in kindness and with honest revelations. A new community. People we had no idea had suffered this kind of loss.
Sadly it’s a large and growing community. Sadly, we don’t really understand until we wear the shoes. But there is kindness and compassion. Honesty. Get help. Sooner rather than later. Trauma. Not all therapists are created equal. Walk away if and when your gut tells you to and find another. Try not to get to ‘complicated grief’. It’s where I am stuck, probably for life. For all the therapy, and different types, I don’t seem to be able to get ‘unstuck’. You have many wonderful memories to hold dear. xxx
There are no words. My heart breaks for all of you.
Sending love to you and your family Dee. Deb G
Thank you Deb
Dear Dee, I am so so sorry. This mother’s heart is breaking for all of you, and holding you tightly in it.
I appreciate it Hazel.
((( Dee )))
This is Beth
I’m so very sorry Dee. What a kind, caring and sensitive young man Danny must have been. I can see that in his photographs, which are beautiful and capture the essence of each place. The words in his note ring true for me. It’s exactly how I felt at that age, and often even now. Unsure about your place in this world, so many paths and not sure what to chose… Finding employment, and will I be able to take care of myself? The chaos of the world is always hard to navigate, and right now it seems much more uncertain. My heart breaks for the younger generations. I’ll keep you and your family in my thoughts. Betsy
Dee and Ken, this is cousin Betsy.
I was opening emails today and got this post -the first I knew of Danny’s passing into an alternate world. One where he will hopefully be content and fulfilled.
I have traveled a similar path as the mother of a brilliant alcoholic. I know the frustration of never finding adequate care for a struggling child, especially one without private health insurance. So many of the good providers won’t accept fragile patients. Know you gave him love, and that’s what he needed most.
Know it was his journey. Know you could not alter his path, no matter how much you wanted to.
Hold each other, and Cary. There will always be an empty space, but in time you will fill it in your own ways, honoring your son the way only you know how.
Ken, I believe there is another place where connections can be made. I like to think Dan is with your Mom, and she is singing to/with him.
Love and hugs,
Betsy
Oh Dee i had no idea till now. I cannot even begin to know how you are feeling. My heart breaks for you, my friend. All the love and strength to you and your family. ♥️
Just now reading this, and I’m so sorry for your loss Dee and your entire family ❤️