Author Archives: deemallon

The searching can be pathetic

So don’t judge me, but I took a free one hour “class” on mediumship this week. Not Eckhardt Tolles’ series on the transformative nature of hardship or some trauma specialist’s ten-week workshop on healing somatic grief. Nope. A corny little class on mediumship.

I put “class” in quotes because it was really an ad. The presenters offered about ten or 15 minutes of interesting stuff followed by an enthusiastic discussion of their upcoming (and not decidedly NOT free) weekend workshop.

Yeah. Pissed me off. Didn’t surprise me, really.

After listing out all the “claires”: clairvoyance, clairaudience, clairsentience, etc, they discussed the difference between intuition and spirit communication using an elevator analogy: if intuition is on the fourth floor, then spirit-talk resides on the tenth.

But the most interesting point was “the three-second rule.”

The rule says that you should trust what you receive in the first two to three seconds of listening. Much of what comes AFTER those initial seconds, they said, is just the mind getting in the way.

Unfortunately, my initial take away is this: if I’m not hearing from Danny, it’s because I’m doing it wrong. I’m not quiet enough. Skilled enough.

Worthy enough.

I think this even while not really knowing what I actually believe about death and what comes after.

I wrote this yesterday while drinking ice coffee, sitting under the quilt that Tina made for me and listening to the rise and fall of the cicada cries. Finn relaxing nearby. Which is to say, there’s a lot to be grateful for even now.

PS Massive explosions at a nearby demolition sight began not long after I wrote about the quiet. Every blast makes the house shake dramatically, like there’s an earthquake.

It’s difficult to

It’s difficult to …

Sleep past 5:45 a.m.

Open plastic packages

Find entertainment that’s sufficiently engaging, but not triggering

Stay awake between 7 and 8 p.m.

Untie knots

Figure out what’s appetizing

Read any book of any length of any genre

Think about the holidays

Think about tomorrow

Think about last March

Think about next March

Witness the savaging of our hostas by rabbits

Sit with all that trump is ruining

Determine if my husband’s listening to Insta reels through his Bluetooth hearing aids or to me

Read about drought and wildfires

Come across even casual references to Colorado, Boulder, Denver, or Longmont

Wonder what he might’ve been doing today if he were alive

Listen to train whistles 

Listen to sirens

Stop crying 

Comprehend the permanence of his being gone

PS We decided to have a very small gathering in Danny’s honor in a couple of weeks. Here. Wine and cheese. No officiant. I’m aware that it will distract me for a time and then be over. I try not to get ahead of myself.

Blessed Be, ten years on

From a post called Blessed Be from this time ten years ago. Oof.

Today I might have written a eulogy for Dan. I’m not sure. It still focuses an awful lot on his last choices.

We are getting some rain today.

Road crews scared the turkeys away this week, but I’m happy to report that they’re back! You’ll notice that the chicks are nearly the same size as Mama Bird now.