
Will spring in all its heady flourishing from here on out remind me of this season of sorrow?

Next year when the peony buds unfist and open and droop under the weight of their beauty, will they force a count — another year without Danny?

My neighbor paused on her way out for a walk recently to tell me that this plaster figure reminds her of Danny. I had always thought of it as female, but now I see it. I see him.



Speaking of the dead, take a look at the sweet little blue flowers of the forget-me-not. Like so many plants in the garden, they tell a story.
After my mother died, I dug up a couple of healthy clumps of forget-me-nots from her yard and planted them out front. With a name like theirs, I thought them a perfect memento — until they all disappeared, that is. They lasted two seasons, maybe.
My mother died in 1996 which means I counted the forget-me-nots as a loss in 1998. So imagine my surprise when this spring, some 28 years later, a brave and lovely forget-me-not showed up among the astilbe.
How does nature do things like this?
With a sense of wonder and gratitude, I moved the little clump to where it would have more room. It lives under the golden chain tree now.
Hi Mom.

We fly to California tomorrow. Since about February, I’ve often been waking between five and six a.m. It’s 5:31 as I type right now. You know what that means, don’t you? In Los Angeles I’ll be waking between 2:00 and 3:00 for at least for a handful of days.
No matter. I can’t wait to see Billy and Cary and the dog Lila and to dwell for a while in that beautiful California light.


I was just gonna say…you’re up early.
Yeah typically I’m more of a seven o’clock kinda person.
As gorgeous as your garden is, and your home, I am happy to hear you are looking forward to your trip to CA. That quilt of your mom and Danny is sooo beautiful.
It seems time to get there, right?
Every time I go to the Left Coast I feel like the world is cleaner there. Though I’ve only visited the loveliest of places. LA is unreal to me in every imaginable way, so even the bad parts seem like TV. May you and K be safe, may you take in those hugs from your dear ones there wholly and frequently. I wish I could take walks with you these days. Yesterday I walked with a good friend in NJ. She’s fallen in love at the age 75. I am so excited for her because she is just so happy she glows. She lost the love of her life to a long bout of cancer a few years ago and communicates with him all the time. She asked him if it was ok to fall in love with this guy and he nodded yes, smiling. Life is beginning to seem unreal. Have you read “Journey of Souls” by Michael Newton, PhD? And I’m reading The Beginning Comes After the End by Solnit. You read so many books so fast I don’t know what to send you. LMK sometime.
Safe and swift travels, Dee.
Love – M