Going back through one’s camera roll can be treacherous at the best of times. We might feel nostalgia or regret or find ourselves acknowledging that time passes. We are all mortal. But to go through a camera roll eight months after you lose a child is a hellacious quagmire. Even avoiding Boulder and holidays and graduations there’s no escaping the loss.

Case in point: for one job application (the Parks Service?), Danny needed to provide proof that he’d been diagnosed with ADHD. I took screenshots from academic intervention papers and sent them along. There are IEP’s, 504’s, psych evals, letters from neurologists, follow-ups on medication, occupational therapy notes, and on and on. I made a point of also sharing the screen shot showing his IQ. It was 135.
I was surprised by the descriptions of his behavior in the classroom because it included humming and grinding of teeth, which I don’t remember at all.
But I certainly remember how hyperkinetic he was, how driven by movement. Sometimes he literally bounced off the walls. We learned at some point that swinging and doing flips were self-soothing for people with sensory integration issues, which put a bunch of his passions into perspective.

I remember a time when Danny went on a sleepover with Cary and the friend‘s mother called me at around 10 to say, “He won’t stop doing flips off the top bunk. Can you come get him?”
Classic Danny. I found that flip-at-the-lake photo (above) this morning.
To be faced yet again with how much struggle Danny endured — years and years of it — made me sad of course, but it also reminded why he couldn’t hang on, which is weirdly relieving.
I mean, imagine having an IQ of 135 and not being able to sound out basic words in third grade. Imagine going through high school with that much intelligence and being relegated to the dumb-dumb classes.
In one of his suicide notes Danny wrote, “after a lifetime of restless doubt and anxiety, I just don’t wanna do it anymore.”
In another note Danny thanked Ken and me for a happy childhood and added, “I know I was difficult.”
Yes. Yes, you were Danny. And how we loved you anyway!
I will soon share some of Danny’s writing from last year where he talks about how important skateboarding was to him and why. And also why, after breaking his left arm twice, the loss of it was so, so devastating.

Context: too many pictures and a refusal to pay for more cloud storage. I’m on a photo-deleting rampage. I’ll download them all to an external hard drive this afternoon to take some of the pressure off.

Note #1 to self (just back from the MFA, where the gift shop did me in) — avoid Christmas displays. Especially darling ornaments.
Note #2 to self — Triggers are everywhere. That nature show about tigers that you thought would afford distraction? Ha! When Mama Tiger lost two of her cubs to a ravenous male, I had to leave the room.









