I felt more space in my chest. Time had an elasticity to it that was a little liberating. Relaxed choices being made. No minutes metered by aggrieved worry while hustling at 80 up 128.
Handsome dog walker took Finn. I got to spend those hours on myself.
Went into the town center and sat and wrote for a while, as people do. Listened to other peoples’ conversations. Watched with amusement as a man in a full length coat swaggered out the door and flung up his hood while crossing the street. A modern Gandalf. Listened with dismay as a young female scientist pumped a senior male scientist for advice about all manner of things, including work/life balance. It was all I could do not to lean over and say, “Who else are you consulting?”
Then off to City Hall to renew dog license. Then down Beacon Street to return dishes to a friend who made us salmon with a maple glaze a couple of weeks ago.
What? It’s not yet noon?
I had time to call to my mother’s younger sister — the aunt people always say I look like. It had been years since we’d spoken, I don’t know why. The call had time to meander. Helpful things revealed. Surprising. Not surprising.
Then it’s still Finn-away time so I tend to the perennial beds, the sun warming my back.
Came in. Almost finished a book called “The Ravenmaster,” enjoying the antics of those wickedly smart birds. It’s the book my sister gave C for Christmas, so I’m staying with that, but out of curiosity more than grief, though a little grief, too.
Still early. Quilting. Laundry. Time feels like a friend. My ribs expand. Finished prime’s so-so thriller, Absentia. Dinner would be good, so I heat leftovers. Ice cream. Man!
It’s not that I don’t miss her — I do — but all those binding constraints? No and no.
A most ordinary, extraordinary Tuesday.
Yes, I know these feelings … you are wise to record them, although honestly, you’re not likely to forget. Rather, your open-ness may enable others to see themselves in the same good light.
And yes to ice cream … always!
Another ice cream fan? Well — aren’t we all fans? It’s just some of us choose not to indulge. After a long spell of Klondikes, Followed by Friendly’s Vienna Mocha Crunch, I’m in a bit of a Ben and Jerry’s kick.
You seem to be so calmed down – it is nice to read – it is wonderful to have time – life is fine this way!
Yesterday I was calm. Today it’s all blustery outside and I still feel pretty grounded. A teensy bit nervous about traveling to and from Rome alone next week, but that’s what to do lists are for!
Good luck and good fly!
Happy to see you’re becoming able to enjoy life’s small pleasures again. Writing in the town center on an early spring day sounds wonderful, overhearing poor advice less so.
What is it about coffee shops and writing? They’ve always been good places for me to put pen to page.
Have a lovely, safe, relaxing trip. Enjoy!
Thank you Sue. Ten days and counting!
Wow, love seeing you with Time up your sleeve & 10 days til you fly to Italy!
Me too!
The ordinary is immense and lovely. The future holds a promise with Italian accents and all’s well.
Well and maybe the NEXT time you’re in Massachusetts, I’ll be here and up for the two hour drive.
That would be super. Meanwhile fly free.
A good post. A certain kind of freedom, not discounting the grief. Cycles and waves…and trips to look forward to 🙂 xo
A last push to empty the apartment but now K is back after ten days in China so bing bang bong.
Physically & mental time is a gift. You sound relaxed and breathing deeply. And, again, the light in this piece is lovely.