No matter where one starts to clean up around here, you’re bound to find some ponchos. Basement, trunk, garage? Ponchos! Orange ponchos, blue ponchos, green ponchos. Folded ponchos, ponchos with stuff sacks, solo ponchos, and ponchos in pairs.
We camped as a family back in the day and probably every time we made our preparations, I couldn’t find the ponchos I’d bought for the previous trip (see post “Losing things and finding them.”) Of course I’d buy new ones because camping without ponchos was inconceivable.
We have ponchos and back up for ponchos. I could open up a poncho shop if I was inclined to run a shop, which I am not.
Speaking of shops, last night while settling down to sleep, I got that ka-ching notification of an Etsy sale. To say it startled me would be an understatement.
Surprise quickly slid into dismay. First question: do I still have the thing that I just sold? Second question: if I still have the thing I just sold, will I be able to find it?
I’m happy to report that the answer to both of those questions is yes.
While I’m sitting here lampooning myself, it is snowing again. While I’m using two thumbs to communicate to you, I’m wondering about my tone (is it smug? is it feisty?), and it is snowing again. It’s supposed to snow all day.
The snow doesn’t care what I think about it and I’m not exactly sick of winter yet, but I am starting to wonder if there will be any end to it. March 1. Today is March 1.
Sometimes, things in life confound us, bore us, test us, perplex us. Sorry to be so opaque here, but this weekend I am thinking a lot about how my thoughts govern my reality.
When I was 15, I visited a friend whose parents had a copy of the book Psycho-Cybernetics. I read it voraciously over the weekend and my friend’s parents were gracious enough to give it to me. I’d pretty much forgotten about it but last night, by chance, somebody did a 42-post thread on the theories in the book.
It’s a lot about how we carry around an internal set point which determines the level of freedom, happiness, ease, and success we can achieve in life. No significant change can occur without addressing that set point, is the idea.
I’ve long believed that we each come into life with a bundle of anxiety that is unique to us. This idea appeared in a Cosmopolitan Magazine article back in the 70s, an idea which my mother espoused with some frequency and for which I naturally held her in disdain. How stupid, I thought. How simplistic. I believe they referred to the bundle of anxiety as a “bouquet.” Really? But I gotta tell you in spite of my initial rejection, the notion that we each carry around a somewhat immutable quantity of anxiety is one I have come back to again and again, particularly raising children.
I don’t know if I had a firm opinion about nature versus nurture before having children, but I’m pretty sure I would’ve tilted toward nurture. After having children, however, it was just so obvious that they come in in a certain way that the balance tipped decisively toward nature.
Like — boys loving trucks? I think it’s fucking genetic. I didn’t make them love excavators. They just loved excavators. Garbage trucks were a source of great happiness in this house for many years.
Of course it’s all more nuanced than that. (But I will tell you that when one of my boys asked for and got an American Girl Doll for Christmas, it became clear pretty quickly that he was mostly interested in her stuffed dog and travois).
My dog is sleeping after our snowy walk where I only slipped twice on black ice.
Anyway, thank you for listening to my ramble. I’m gonna go put a couple ponchos in the giveaway bin and bake some blueberry muffins.
(Also today):
If you are on threads, you should be able to access the post about the book.
Always love reading your rambling .. nature nurture yes is something I’ve always found interesting. My two girls are as different as night and day. Different and yet both wonderfully kind and loving .. thank goodness!! Sorry about all the snow you’ve been having .. it’s always so beautiful to look at but man oh man shoveling and walking in it is a whole different story. Hay aren’t you leaving on your trip south soon??
The worst thing about the weather right now is how the 50° days make things melt and then it comes back down to the 30s and things freeze and the icy patches are often completely invisible so I’ve been walking the dog in the street a lot which is OK but not ideal.
I’m not sure we’re gonna take that southern trip now. We might do it later in the year.
Thanks for the tip on the book. I’m going to order a copy today. It’s always curious to read about what’s holding us back. A bouquet of nerves. How lovely. Ive got plenty. I could be a florist. Anyway I’m looking forward to seeing what it says.
And those ponchos? I will take a couple off your hands if you’re game to mail them? Ya can never have enough ponchos! I had them at one of the day jobs and miss the stash to pinch from, that and umbrellas. I haven’t bought one in decades. Mostly now I stay inside of it rains. That works too.
BUT… if you’re getting rid of a poncho or two think of me. 😉
I’m happy to send you a couple! They’re right now in the way-station bin in our mudroom. Everyone has one of those don’t they? A way-station bin?
WAR, the 1970’s protest song, rolled into my head last night, today over 200 dead, many school children, 3 US servicemen and it will continue. Those lyrics from WAR continue to roar in my head: “war, what is it good for, absolutely nothing…” but the great evil uses it as a shield to deflect his many, many failures cause there are midterms looming. Regime change- there will be no regime change if you listen to the pundits this morning.
Woke up with the knee jerk reaction this morning that I better gas up my car, I don’t do a lot of driving so a full tank lasts a long time. Why did I do this because said pundits said by tomorrow, gas will go thru the roof in terms of price. For anyone interested, here in New Mexico, I paid $ 2.38 per gallon. I remember in the 70’s, living in CA, when going to get gas was determined by the last number on your license plate, even, odd…
Offering up my own rambles about nature, nurture: Having daughters meant that they would be softer, quieter, HA! they loved their Winnie the Pooh dolls and each had a huge doll, given to them by their grandparents, to sleep with, identical dolls but our girls tied different ribbons and one drew on the face to change the eyes…They took yoga classes but also played soccer. Were brownies but didn’t want to be girl scouts. Loved to go camping, their Dad’s influence cause I had never gone camping as a child. With me, they loved to dance, tell stories and put on plays, usually held at our house with all of us making costumes and backdrops.on plays. Fascinating to me was how they instinctively understood that when they stayed with their grandparents, they were to act like little ladies, not their often rowdy tomboyish at times, selves. They sensed that especially, their Grandmother, my Mom, preferred this way..
As you know, my girls are twins,( now 55 years old) and as twins, there is always the perception that their personalities will be alike but our girls have distinct personalities, one has a short fuse, the other takes a longer time to react. Both are alike in their capacity for kindness, love, caring, and social justice and are fine and wonderful women.
Having twins gave you a really unique window into this debate, didn’t it? I love their Pooh sleeping buddies and their different response to how they adorned their dolls very telling!
Yeah the news is not great. From what I can gather the most likely result is a right wing military take over. There’s no group ready to assemble and govern.
My cheap takeaway is that Netanyahu plays Trump like a fucking fiddle. I’m growing to hate Israel’s warmongering more and more, for its own sake but also for what it COSTS us, Americans.
I am metering how much news I taken in, even more than usual. I realize that I am in a position of privilege to do so. Right now, I don’t even feel like it’s a choice.
I went to see a play by Tracy Letts called THE MINUTES in South Portland last night. it was very good and very funny right up until the minute that it got very intense and very not funny. it was written in 2018, and it was about rewriting history. It was stunning how prescient it was.
My kid also really wanted an American girl doll! Being a craft fair participant and on the craft for circuit, my friend Judy, who made American girl sized doll clothes, was a booth to visit frequently. G loved Judy’s booth. So, when G asked for an American girl doll, it made perfect sense! Part of Judy’s sales schtick was all of the little goodies that came with the beautifully executed dresses that she made. Heirloom sewing, beautiful fitting, exquisite designs. But it Turned out that it was the laundry basket and little container of detergent/Tiny mirror, comb, and brush/Chalkboard and tiny chalk/Etc. That G wanted. They did not give a wit about the dress itself, Except to dress their stuffed cat in. G had no interest in human replica dolls of any age. Animals? Yes. Anything stuffed as long as it wasn’t replicating a human? Yes. And if it came with paraphernalia, all the better. At one point, Judy said to G, “ Choose anything you want from my booth. It’s yours!” G Pointed to the pool noodles used to keep the roof taught enough to not pool rainwater. “ I’d like the purple one.”
I have three drawers of screwdrivers To offer you to sell in your poncho store.
I didn’t decide to take in less news but I find that’s what I’m doing. I haven’t listened to a podcast in weeks. I used to consume one or more daily. Deadline Whitehouse? Nope. Maddow on Monday, yes but only the opening block. If enough people are extolling Lawrence O’Donnell on threads on any given morning, I may make a point of cuing him up and watching his opener.
Threads all day though. I get a lot of news there.
The story about G and the doll is so funny! The dress for the stuffed cat!! I didn’t say but I ended up reselling that American Girl doll for more than I paid for it. I was so proud of myself.
The play sounds amazing. Hope you didn’t go alone.
loved this post! tone: light, bright ánd meaningful….
two boys here too: nature most definitely; almost as soon as they were born I realised they were ‘people’, individuals….
weird how much what we think (imagine?) instructs our self-perception, whilst others see something/one different, or maybe they’re projecting, like I am???
anyway, as always your post is thought provoking and entertaining, thxx Saskia
Hi Saskia. I think I missed responding to a few of your recent comments. Sorry about that.
The method in the book calls for remembering a time when you felt strong and good and then into that neurological stew, adding what you want, as if it is a memory. Here’s the thing. Do I have a time where I felt strong and good? I’ve been thinking about that.
Gosh where to start?
First I had to look up “travois” cuz I Never heard of such a thing and even then didn’t get it. So I looked up “travois” + “American Girl Doll”. Finally saw a detail photo of the travois with the AG’s dog and it did make me laugh out loud.
I hope you don’t mind if share here a link to download a brandy new album by my step daughter and her partner. I think it is a *fabulous* set of rather sophisticated creatively composed and orchestrated songs. It is for survivors of broken and healing hearts, under duress.
https://morningbreath1.bandcamp.com/album/this-should-be-illegal
xo
M
Thank you so much for the music. I will be sharing.
Dee~ So much here in this ramble this time! The ponchos cracked me up! I’ve gotten so used to clearing stuff out, that now I almost get antsy when I can’t pass something along. Oy. Way back in the day when I was selling a lot on FB, I sold all 4 of my umbrellas. It never rains here I thought. haha One of them may have come in handy in the past couple of years, eh? But, I’ve never been an umbrella gal, too much of a hassle – just a hood and a dart in and out is all I needed.
Now, nature VS nurture…so much discussion on this in the late 1970’s when I was in college courses on ECE. I’ve always landed smack dab in the middle on my thoughts on this. While some things feel for sure innate (how did my one year old son know to make a car noise, never being shown??)…in other ways how a child is parented can make big changes, both positive and negative. We can’t forget siblings, birth order and the like. My granddaughter wants to be anywhere her older brother is and is a bid hot wheels lover at the moment. I am also a firm believer in what happens pre-birth (in utero) really matters. I track a lot of my ‘bouquet’ back to that.
I had to look up the travois too 🙂 I (of course, 1970’s ECE gal) got my son a doll when he was a toddler. Remember the book “William’s Doll”? Anyway, it was a very cool vintage doll, bought at a in home (porch) antique store in my NV town. Poor “Baby” met its end while my son was at the in-laws and I was out. By the time I got home, Baby had been be-headed in a tug of war between my son and his young teen, immature uncle. Baby’s stuffing, which had flown all over the kitchen floor was swept up and Baby and his insides were in the trash. No one thought it important to tell me this…until I asked. My son was sad (he played with Baby a lot!) and I was crushed. Big clue about that family, right?! Later her had a boy doll…”My Child” I think, but the moment for playing a nurturing daddy had passed and he was into the “mean boy’s toys” – but that is another long story!
The book sounds interesting, in the right moment.
I’m glad you were ‘sale-startled’! What a treat!
The news is devastating. I keep thinking of the young uber driver who picked us up from the Women’s March…remember that, a lifetime ago…pink cat ear hats and a lot of fury & resolve….anyway, he was home on leave from the service and was driving to pick up extra money. It was of course rump 1.0 and no one knew what would come next. He voiced his concerns about what he was going to be ‘made to do’. Such a nice young man. I’ve thought of him many times over the years. Marti’s got the right song going…what is it good for? The corruption of it all is deep, deep, deep and wide.
I’m sure I forgot other things I was going to say. Haha But, this was long enough!! Thanks for the thought provoking post.
You have been an ace purger for sure! An inspiration to the rest of us.
I’d have kept one umbrella but hey — who knew so much rain was gonna fall in California?!
Of course you’re right to point out the importance of parenting, birth order, and in utero experiences. I just kinda ran out of steam with the post. That happens sometimes. Maybe most of the time?
The doll story was quite upsetting. Jesus.
Dee~ I am so awkward with umbrellas! 😂
Yeah, there is really no way to to write utterly complete thoughts in a post or a comment…I like that we collaborated. haha I too run out of steam, in emails too. At times I just stop, done, good enough. lol
Thank you for seeing the doll story for what it was. I feel validated, even if it was ‘just a doll’. sigh.
I had two girls and bought them trucks … they couldn’t have cared less … on the other hand, the thrift store dress up basket was a favorite, as was the doll house made by their grandfather … and it was the Sunday-after-church shopping excursions to buy miniatures that interested them far more than the doll family (that usually got left in the dusty box)
The news is sickening … I’ve already fired off emails to the Texas congressmen, for all the good it will do … early voting in our primary is at record levels and it will be very interesting to see who the Senate candidate “winners” will be … I had the interesting experience of going to a Democratic candidate forum for local elections and seeing the guy who won the district court judgeship last time around … he was awful, and I’m sure I voted for him as a Democrat over the Republican incumbent (who is now running as a Democrat) … sigh
No ponchos in Texas, but I did buy a couple of umbrellas to use as sun shades when we go to the grandkids’ baseball and soccer games
Oh good grief … this is Liz A
Well we are all interested to see what happens in Texas of course. It’s too bad Talarico and Crockett are running against each other. Lately, though, I’ve seen some commentary by people who are getting whiffs of Fetterman from Talarico. I just can’t tell.
But Paxton? My god his career should’ve ended half a dozen years ago.
The little things created for doll houses were intoxicating to me as a child as well. I had an FAO Schwartz Mouse House. My love of mice goes back a long way!