Two friends of Danny’s got married yesterday. The three of them were roommates for many years. Close friends, in other words. I wondered: would they feel his presence in any way? I wondered what it would’ve been like for Danny to attend (still heartbroken, with Ella there). I wondered what thoughtful, generous gift he might’ve have gotten them, because he was amazing that way.
I also put it out there that I’d love to hear from Danny here, though in Newton it is mostly business as usual. Grief central. Fall activities. A No Kings Protest.
So he showed up. Twice.
First, it was the puzzle piece. Danny has appeared in puzzle pieces before (here and here), so when we finished this month’s puzzle and a piece was missing, I wondered — will he show up? I was prepared to be disappointed.
The nearly complete puzzle sat out for days. I vacuumed the rug underneath the table at least three times, each time scrutinizing the surface for that lone remaining piece and not finding it.
Then yesterday, there it was. Blue side up. Not six inches from the edge of the rug. Plain as day. Huh?
Hello, Dan!
Even if I didn’t subscribe to supernatural influences, I’d be hard pressed to explain how that piece got there. Stuck to the underside of the table and later fell? Stuck to the bottom of a shoe and somehow ended up there? No and no.
Then, early in last evening’s walk, we saw either a young hawk or a falcon directly overhead and quite near. This is unusual. Normally we see them around the corner and up the hill, not here near the house.
Moments ago that raptor flew right into the living room window — not ten feet from where I’m sitting. That has never happened before. Other birds, yes. A hawk? Absolutely not.
Oh my. Dan?
In other news, poor Finn had an anxiety attack in the middle of the night when yet another smoke alarm started chirping its low-battery signal. Chirp. Chirp. Oh, how it frightens him! Typically he pants hard and endures whole body shakes for at least an hour after the noise stops. And it always takes a minute to figure out which device is going off. Fortunately, Ken takes care of removing the battery, otherwise you’d have me swinging at the ceiling with a broom, cursing.
Last night we gave Finn a trazadone. It helped. I might’ve said, I’d rather the house burned down than put him through that again.
Poor guy.
The Newton Center protest wasn’t huge, though it was bigger than usual. What was notable was all the honking. So much honking!
a lot here as always, but I gotta say wow, again. Not at all hawk behavior (remember I was a falconer understudy until I realized I’d never become rich enough to have the time and property).
That puzzle piece!! and arghh those horrible smoke alarms. Our dog, too. She shakes for an hour after one of those blasted dead battery alarm attacks and also reacts to gun shots in the woods, fireworks (when did it become ok to set off fireworks any old time of day or season. Are people blasting off backyard fireworks at birthday parties now?)
We also went to small local “No Kings”. Your sign is GREAT. I was yelling “VOTE! VOTE!”. My signs are dated but still relevant, yet the biggest thing right now is that we overwhelm the vote against oligarchy, kleptocracy, and data centers. and violence against humanity. I wish I had updated my signage. It was a good turnout where I was – an upper middle class academic neighborhood (I est about 200 people 99% white and white-haired); LOTS of truckers honking! Particularly one construction company where there was a color diversity among the male drivers.
I feel glued to your grief. I just can’t stop trying to suss out what may have been going through Danny’s head and heart. Did Ella want children and he couldn’t fathom that as a future and was bereft he couldn’t please her for that reason or what other threat? Because he was smart enough to foresee that our world looks really bleak? Or he could not square the inevitability of AI’s destruction to our planet with his love of nature (environmental as well as human), or what? I can’t stop conjuring possible scenarios – because he was so extraordinary, so capable and driven. Yet, many people have these dilemmas and can’t keep themselves alive long enough. It is continually maddening to me. Religion gives me no answers. Nor does philosophy.
I am grateful to be surrounded by your beautiful artworks. I miss Writing. I want to knit something for you. However I am always pressed for time because I cannot get organized, I am yet to be focused enough to save my own fucking soul. But, when I get my studio really going I can’t wait to get your reviews on my new works. One day we’ll take at least one walk, even if it is in silence, through the woods and fields or on the beach…
I remember your falconer days. Somewhere I have an amazing photo of you with a huge bird on your hand, its wings outstretched.
Glad to hear that your rally was pretty well attended. Ours was 90% boomers too.
As for what when wrong, I will never know the whole story but I think she fell for someone else. It happens.
I have a scarf and a hat knitted by you already, so relax!
You look so darn cute holding your signs .. I love your outfit!! Poor Finn .. it all gets harder for them as they get older it did for our Sweetie. I will be happy when this election is behind us and we have a better idea of where we as Americans stand. The world is waiting!! Interesting how we read everyday signs as messages .. last week I was going in for some CT scans and on my way out the door there was a beautiful Cardinal looking straight at me. Of course I right away thanked my deceased sister Caroline for stopping by to let me know that all would be well. After the scans I stopped at my daughters who lived close by .. excitedly she showed me a painting she had just purchased. She admitted that she wasn’t sure what attracted it to her other than for whatever reason she wanted it. The painting was of a buried skeleton in the ground with a beautiful ground above it with mushrooms and flowers. Truthfully it threw me since it is totally how I see myself since we’ve prearranged for green burials. As I’m still waiting for the results I’ll admit that all the positivity that the Cardinal gave me the painting took away. All this is to say I totally believe in messages and signs in all forms.
Keep us posted on your scans. Hopefully the cardinal governs here.