you seem restless

Sometimes being a disorganized word-scribbler has its benefits — like when I’m cleaning up and find some random scrap of paper or flip through a long forgotten half filled notebook and land on treasure. Here are a few: the record of toddler C saying he ‘had to pee like ABCD’ (because he may have heard his mother saying she ‘had to pee like you read about’); the quote of him yelling out to the goats at Drumlin Farm: “Hey you gumdrops!” and toddler D’s announcement as his father walked in the door: “Mom got dead fish today!” (trout was on the menu). Whether these scrawled messages point to a place and time I’d forgotten about or inform anew, there’s usually a sense of delight and discovery, and sometimes, synchronicity.

Last week I found this movie quote: “You seem restless but in a permanent kind of way.” I had to google the movie title (“Take This Waltz“) because I’d forgotten it, but I remembered the characters well enough.

“You seem restless but in a permanent kind of way” keeps echoing. I hear it even as I am relaxing on the shores of Rock Pond in New Hampshire. A pretty spot. Quiet. Lots of reading. Some sun. Tasty food, including the first delectably fresh corn of the summer.

But there’s no getting away from any of it. There just isn’t.

In spite of long walks in the woods with “my guys” and swimming two or three times a day, I feel restless and I wonder: is it in a permanent kind of way?

The other quote came from Representative John Lewis and it was simply: “Pray with your feet.”

Newsweek photo of Boston

In that regard, I am so proud of the friends, peers, and other progressives who showed up at Boston Common to counter-protest a “free speech” rally today. They prayed with their feet. This could have gone another way and not just because a huge percentage of Republicans in Massachusetts voted for Trump, but because hate dwells everywhere and has been energized by the monsters at the helm. More than 40,000 counter protesters of all ages and colors showed up.

I’m also proud of the amazing work that the ACLU does.

Off to make dinner. I’ll be back after the eclipse. I hope you all have proper eye protection!

PS. Finished this novel yesterday. Wow did it turn out to be relevant! About a white nationalist and an African American nurse. He has a baby. Baby dies. Nurse is charged with murder. Nurse’s white lawyer comes to grips with her own racism. It goes from there.

10 thoughts on “you seem restless

  1. Michelle in NYC

    Little treasures everywhere. Big issues and small victories.
    If I knew what I thought I’d surely tell you, but today, all day, I wandered like your inner tube might if the wind whipped up the water; not restless, not content, simply walking without a destination several times today and tonight silently repeating the chants we say at the end of each Zen sitting. Today I expected nothing, strove for nothing, and nothing got in my way. i rose and evaporated just as the mist on that lake.

    I like the portrait of you very much.

    1. deemallon

      It was so great to think of you today. Walking the streets of NYC. Not aimless but not directed either. A person in the world.

  2. ravenandsparrow

    I was wondering if you were at the Boston counter-protest, but I am glad to see that you are away in a beautiful place with your guys. I am also wondering if the restlessness I feel is permanent.

  3. Nancy

    Great pics Dee…that water! I think many are restless these days, but your two quotes help a bit. I don’t think I could read that book right now. xo

    1. deemallon

      Normally I read three four sts five books on a vacation. This time? Only read one because I had to keep setting it down.

  4. Hazel

    Terrific photos & thoughts, as always. Restlessness here, too, but I’m thinking that it means I need to slow down & see where I am. Thought of you at a great workshop the other day, led by Dr. Ginwright (, about hope & healing in this world.

    1. deemallon

      Thanks for the link. I will check it out. I actually can’t tell if I need to slow down or speed up. It might be the latter, which is maybe counterintuitive.


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