Here’s a fundamental question that goes to one’s basic nature, preferences, and tempos: do you sort by sameness or difference?*
If you sort by sameness you like constancy, routines, familiarity. Change is hard for you. A preservationist at heart, you might crystallize around things, in fact, to avoid change. If you sort by difference, on the other hand, you like change and variety, quicker tempos. You move readily from topic to topic in conversation, work on a dozen pieces at once if you’re an artist. Flexibility is your hallmark. Your need for movement can make you impulsive and careless with things and people. Lots of projects left unfinished.
Understanding that this sorting difference is both critical and immutable can be a life-saver in a marriage.
My husband sorts by sameness, I by difference. We could not be more different about matters like how often to re-arrange the furniture, how long to study maps on the ski slope, whether to chuck or save objects. And that’s the minor stuff. Viewing these differences as failures to accommodate one another or as character flaws guarantees struggle.
To blame someone for sorting differently from yourself is like getting mad at them for being tall or Chinese.
This week, prompted by (finally!) spending some time with Jude’s Feel Free class recordings (I generally read the posts, but the audios languish), I want to think about how sorting by change impacts my work and also to consciously practice her idea of treating ideas as questions rather than ways to solve a problem.
*Question posed in a lecture by Bill Harris, founder of Holosync