The torrential rain woke me repeatedly last night and each time in my half-awake state I thought, The world is ending, isn’t it?
I can’t take the gummies as a sleep-aid anymore because of what they do to my stomach. Maybe this second purchase is contaminated because the first order didn’t bother me at all. I don’t know. Last night I was awake past two. The same two nights before, except maybe it was three o’clock. And one night recently I didn’t sleep at all.
My phone always has a book on it. Library-kindle is a boon. It means I can stay in bed and read.
Yesterday I finished Oh, William!: A Novel by Elizabeth Strout and started a Maggie O’Farrell. Some of you have read O’Farrell’s extraordinary Hamnet, I know. This one, I Am, I Am, I Am, is a memoir told through a series of near-death experiences.
The Strout book was told by Lucy Barton. She is looking back on her first marriage and spending time with her ex in NYC where they both live. They make a road trip to Maine. Her second husband has recently died and her ex’s third wife leaves him early in the narrative, so it isn’t that odd that they might seek each other out. The novel has this distinctive voice, with frequent insertions of phrases like, is what I mean to say or I’m not going to write another word about that. And even though not much happens really, it was hard to put down.
I read acknowledgments now. Lo and behold! One of the agents Strout gushed over at the back of the novel supplied my most recent rejection. That soured me on the book a little. Aren’t I mature?
Finished Ann Patchett’s gem of an essay collection this week too and it left a slightly bitter side note as well. She describes winning this and that prize like I talk about running to Home Goods to pick up a cake platter.
I’ll get over myself. Honest. The essays are very much worth reading.
In other news, the lake afforded a cool reprieve yesterday. I made a delicious potato salad and so-so brownies (old chocolate?). We finished watching The Outlaws.
We’ve been taking Finn around the “figure eight” after dinner lately. I’ve hit over 10,000 steps quite a few times recently because of it.
In case you can’t tell, that’s a brag!
Sometimes. I don’t sleep for days
But the I stop thinking and I’m fine.
That’s a trick: the stopping of thought. Maybe you can post about that? I can’t be the only reader interested.
I *believe in* the possibility of a Letter of Manuscript Acceptance arriving for you, and I anticipate your indulgence in that experience and that a grand celebration will ensue. Those mf-ers (translate to Mallon-ese), *when* will they discover your genius? I’m serious.
Love your book comments and reviews. These look good. I’m reading Between Two Kingdoms by Suleika Jaouad.
When I look at your photos here I wonder which ones will reappear, used differently, maybe as a background for a collage or some manifestation as a wall hanging or drapery or a carry-bag. I also like to imagine them really huge – projected on some wealthy person’s nyc 5th Ave (no maybe west side) apartment inner walls? I am in awe of your energy.
Right with you on the gummies. No longer working for me either. fwiw. I miss those early gummy sleeps and wonderful dreams – never as good as childhood dreams, but pretty good. I’m back to really sleeping every 3rd night or so.
Big rain and thunder here last night .For the first time our pup jumped into bed with us thanks to those ghosts of Henry Hudson.
The quiet here is punctuated by thunder, howling coyotes and the occasional Pileated Woodpecker or eaglet. Heavenly. But then there are the ticks.
bye for now.
Thanks for being here. xx
Don’t know Between Two Kingdoms — do you recommend? Your support, always in evidence, is like a banquet in this comment. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I love the details of cabin-life! Keep ‘em coming!
Sleep is often elusive for me; I know I do sleep but I also am up between 3 and 4 am every day,; sometimes even a little before 3 am. I am in bed most night before 9 pm but I always read for at least an hour…to say that I am a lark is an understatement.
This past week, I have been fidgety, needing to do, to make, to cook. This morning, a lasagna had been assembled for tonigh’t dinner; I used a 13x9x2 pan and since there are only two of us, we will get fmany meals this coming week from the lasagna.
For some reason, also this week, I have been having a deep conversation with my dyed cltohs. Finished my Trust cloth and this morning, before making the lasagna, I made another cloth to stitch. The cloth is made up entirely of all of my little scraps. When it is stitched, it will be my Linus blanket althuogh it is only 8″ wide and 24″ long.
One of the things I like to do when I am up early in the morning, Is to search for old, favorite music on Youtube. I have headphones with a long cord so that I can kick back my chair and dance if the mood hits. One of my favorite old songs is by Rickie Lee Jones, Chuck E’s In Love. I tell you this because my reading for this long weekend is- Last Chance Texaco, Chronicles of an American Troubadour by Rickie Lee Jones.
Maybe you were a monk in a prior life? I went straight to YouTube and listened to Chuck E’s in Love. Thank you for that! I went out front and combed my fingers through our stunning pot of petunias and lantana with her sultry lyrics in my ears.
The comment above is by Marti:
Not sure why my name didn’t take. The above comment is by Marti
Ok thanks. I would’ve guessed but thanks for saying so!
So, your sleep problems are the same as mine. I take Melatonin which DD brings me from Boston – our Melatonin in Germany is much weaker. I take one pill 3 mg every night. Sometimes it helps sometimes not. This not-sleeping at night is driving my crazy.
The first batch of gummies are bought had melatonin in them. 3 mg. The second batch no. Maybe I’ll try since I seem to be too lazy to go to a dispensary. It is crazy-making, isn’t it?
My usual trick for not sleeping is to lay out on the couch and watch something that I will not want to follow the storyline, and will want to sleep through. As crazy as it sounds, this is often CNN or MSNBC!! lol I turn it down really low, to not bother J. and go right to sleep! It is the Waking all night long that is a killer. Sometimes I wake every 15-30 minutes! That makes for a long night. The other is that I dream constantly…busy dreams, not always pleasant. So I wake tired, often with a headache to boot. Oh well.
Last night I slept long and hard for a change. Still woke with a headache though.
I too think your getting published time will come, as you are such a powerful writer! Your insight and intelligence really shine through. I agree with “RainSluice” here and with Deb L. when she said for you to write your political rants and rages…you really shine there too!!
Thanks for the book suggestions. I love a novel that you just can’t put down! However, that circles me right back to the sleep problems! A great read can make me pretty darn tired for a commute and a day of work!
What a smart couch/TV strategy! Are the headaches related to sleep or something else like allergies? Thank you for you kind words.
🙂 hey… likewise, you keep me looking ahead and you are a source of wonderful facts and joyful moments and just good information. I also very much rely on your rants from time to time to shake me out of my stupor. I’ll send you photos from the Hollar soon.
So far I am really enjoying Between Two Kingdoms. My dear friend in CA (who’s been suffering from MS) sent the book to me a couple of months ago. Her message: “I’m sending this book to everyone I know”.
I sighed, I’ve carried it around not reading it. have tried to read other books about suffering from cancer, etc. Maybe because I have been so fortunate not to have had any life threatening scares myself, I’ve always gotten a few pages in and tossed those books aside. But this one is different, so far. I don’t know if Suleika is totally “out of the woods”, but I think she’s still alive. And, maybe that’s why I am invested in reading the whole the thing? Survival, I’m into that. Plus, I like the way she writes, I feel like I’m sitting on her shoulder as she tells her story.
Well that’s a pretty strong recommendation. I have an aversion to stories about alcoholics. Can barely get through them. And yes! Send pix! I love to see them on Instagram and FB.
How awful not to get a good nights sleep.. I can’t imagine. Have you ever gone in for a sleep study?! Wish I had some magical advice but I’m sure whatever advice I’d give you’ve probably heard before.
There’s a whole science around sleep hygiene which I haven’t really explored. You know — no screens a couple hours before (not gonna happen), solid routines, white noise, etc. maybe it’s time to look at some of them. The one who should go in for the sleep study is my husband, who snores and has restless leg syndrome. Sometimes I don’t have to look farther than that for why I don’t fall asleep.
Probably related to both (allergies and uncomfortable sleep) and stress (teeth clenching). BTW~ I have the small cloth you sent on my nightstand right now, so when I take off glasses, I lay them on top & think of you and your kindness and good heart❤️ Thank you again.
Glad the cloth is being used. I have piece I use as coasters now. Love it.
Do you have a mouth guard? I cannot sleep without mine anymore. When I travel my checklist is: phone, charging cord, meds, and mouth guard. Nothing else matters.
thanks for the ongoing reading list … I did enjoy Hamnet and look forward to I am I am …
last night sleep was thwarted by being unable to put down Ann Patchett’s essays … and then waking up as usual at 5:00 am
Do you get up at 5? And yeah, the essays are gripping.
Yes, I think Between Two Kingdoms excellent – even if it is a NYTimes Best Seller 😉
but, seriously. I feel grateful to have her insights, I’m able to digest it because she describes her anger so well, her commitment to those who love her, the need to escape the reality of her chemo experience, the shocks, the acts of kindness… I’m halfway through. I can’t read about alcoholism either. It makes me too emotionally sick to recall the many people who have ruined their lives and other’s, though I know it is also a disease and one of the most difficult as it has to personally kicked. I keep my distance from that sh*t albiet with a heavy heart at my age.
One of the more compelling Patchett essays is about a woman with cancer. It’s about friendship, really, but the details about treatment are jaw dropping.
I don’t have a regular waking time, but 5:00 is not at all unusual (earlier than that I make myself stay in bed) … one day at the beach I slept until almost 9 (which in all fairness my internal Central time clock would have perceived as 8) … when I emerged, there were comments of “we were going to send Don in to see if you were still alive” … so yeah, I’ve become an early riser, although I suspect I could easily revert to being a night owl
Thanks for the commentary on I Am I Am I Am. I haven’t read much lately. still recovering from over saturation I suppose. This book strikes a cord. I’ve lived a similar life. Oy vey. I’m always thinking of my own telling of the tales, this is inspirational. Thanks for the intro.
It’s compelling and a fast read.
It gave me nightmares. But kinda nice to know there are others out there who also had similar experiences.
Did you have many near misses? What struck me in the first 50 pjs is the idea that every year we unknowingly pass our death day. Granted I’m a bit preoccupied but in 2022 (and 2021, 2020, 2019…2016…) it’s hard to imagine not being preoccupied with disasters and death,
Might explain sleeping issues. I have them occasionally but not that often thank god. And occasional straight up nightmares….
I’ve been thinking about near misses all day. I remember almost letting the EMTs leave without me after I called an ambulance. They were so handsome and so reassuring. But I had a burst ovarian cyst and might not have made if I’d sent them in their way. As it was, I need two pints of blood.
But now I’m remembering climbing in the Sangre de Christo mountains. We were just climbing, meaning no ropes. To fall was to face a fatality and not injury. The rocks were mostly manageable but every so often a chunk might uncleave from the mountain, even the one you were hold onto.