Jamie Raskin’s memoir addresses the double tragedies of his son’s suicide and the insurrection.
His son, Tommy, took his own life on the night before New Year’s Eve of 2020 and the Trump-fueled violent invasion of the Capitol happened seven days later.
Two observations.
One, revisiting the events of January 6 leaves one gobsmacked that Trump wasn’t banished from public service forever. How could THaT GUY run for president again — and win? After orchestrating such violence. After lying maliciously about voter fraud for months. After attempting a coup. Really?
Of course responding to that question requires a long answer, one that references a corrupt SCOTUS several times, one that questions Merrick Garland’s integrity, points to Aileen Cannon’s abject partisanship, and nails McConnell for not whipping the votes for conviction after the second impeachment.
Yawn. Right?
The second observation has to do with how reading about Jamie Raskin’s son’s despair affords me something like comfort and why? — because of recognition? Kinship?
It’s baffling. Different ages, different methods of suicide, somewhat overlapping mental health issues but not the same, and yet, I understand Raskin’s pain and in understanding the horror of his situation, I am engaged and feel wave after wave of compassion.
It’s alright if this makes no sense. It makes no sense to me either.
“Forgive me, but it’s hard to be human.”
Tommy Raskin as quoted by his father.
Your comfort(?) mined from Raskin’s book makes total sense to me.
About a month after John died, a local friend, rep in the Maine State House, reached out and told me of a fellow rep whose husband had died also unexpectedly just a couple of months before John did. Do I want her to reach out to me? Initially, my response was, “no, I don’t need that on my plate.” Fortunately I quickly asked myself why I was turning down an offer of help. To myself: try it. It can be one quick phone call. Yes, Traci, please hook us up.
It turned out to be the place I didn’t need to explain myself. We were in touch quite a bit for several months, sometimes even in the middle of the night. She knew precisely what I meant, could relate without explanation. She’s about my age, I think. We talked about what happens after death—for ourselves as widows and our husbands as the deceased, the difficulties of marriage, the steps we were taking to reshape what’s left for us. I thought perhaps I was making a new friend, but it’s been 4 or 5 months since an in person meet up, and when I texted recently did not get a response. It’s ok. When I needed those insights most, they were easily accessible. If she reaches out in the future, I will gladly answer, but it’s ok if that never happens, too.
I sort of wish Raskin’s book was a two parter, one for J6, the other for Tommy. It’s so easy for me to get caught up in the horror of current politics that it takes away from current inside-THIS-house issues. I don’t like to tangle the two if I can avoid it. I don’t know if you are finding that.
Interesting to hear this part of your journey and I agree about the book. Though the events are inextricably linked in time and place, it’s hard to keep going back to the political nightmare.
It makes perfect sense … knowing that you’re not alone on this unimaginable journey.
I agree. I’m glad you’re reading JRaskin’s book. Sharing the never ending feelings of another who lost a child like you did, by reading about their loss or talking with them, means you’re not alone in your suffering–that you don’t have to carry this deep sorrow all by yourself.
Dee~ I can easily see the comfort in reading his book and in being able to feel that sense of others who understand. However you feel connection or a sense of something helping is the way to go.
But, I can also see how revisiting J6 has its own deep trauma. I usually click off, as I don’t want to relive that. But, I have that option. Maybe his son’s story outweighs revisiting J6?
Take care
I’m halfway thru and slowing down so we’ll see. The jan6 stuff is all so relevant still with possible pardons for Proud Boys and Oathkeepers on the table and Raskin demanding medical reports on Trump and talking 25th again.
Dee~ Yeah. A nightmare on so many fronts. Sigh.
(((Dee)))
Saskia
❤️
I know this is cross talk but I absolutely love your newest weird ink creatures!
@saskia_birdhut
I think there can be great comfort from those who have had a similar experience. How they’ve found a way to carry their pain (which can’t be tamped down) while moving forward. I’ve wanted to read that book because I have so much respect for Jamie Raskin, and wondered what keeps him going. I heard him speak in Philly at the first No Kings march. His *voice* had a tiny trembling the seemed to me to come from deep down. A willingness to live every moment intensely aware of what’s possible, in spite of the sad sad darkness that threatens to engulf us at every turn. And, I took his message to be that we can all choose this possibility as a daily (or minute to minute) reality building a better future for all.
Raskin’s dedication to our country in the immediate aftermath of Tommy’s suicide is truly amazing. I understand that it helped him as an absorbing distraction, but it also wasn’t that because his son and he had had so many political discussions about their shared democratic ideals. Jamie so admired Tommy. And it’s as though Tommy informed Raskin’s efforts to try and protect our Republic.
My god, that is one more thing of about his son’s decision to leave this world that is so inexplicable and at least partly what bonded and inspired them both?
What worm makes its way into a person’s brain that leads them down such a horrible path of self destruction? Some turn the affliction outward (like those who take on a need to destroy the planet or murder innocent people) and some turn it inward?? And some never encounter that worm. The variables are as endless as the human condition and imagination provides. I state the obvious. I wish I knew more. I wish I knew a lot more.
I wish I knew more too. “Inexplicable” is a word I find useful lately.