or not…

Island textures - they look like thread!

Island textures – they look like thread!

Trust disequilibrium,

or not.

It was all too much, on so many levels, and the puppy has been returned to the breeder.  We had dear sweet Atticus for one week.  What anguish produced by this misguided decision (mine)!  Tears aplenty.  And yet (though it is impossible to REALLY know),  it’s better this way.

Disheartened by the turn of events and the steely act of will required to take him back, I thought I’d rely on pictures from a year ago – something I like to do now and then, and in this case, it spared me looking around the house and noticing all the places where the puppy recently played or slept. Even his crapping spot has a certain nostalgia to it this afternoon.

A year ago I was on Martha’s Vineyard, among other things, making this:

SoulCollage - Adopting Jack

SoulCollage – Adopting Jack

… which is a SoulCollage card made to mark the Adoption Day of our Corgi, Jack.  In the collage, ‘my guys’ are waiting in Salem, where we found Jack at a shelter.  This was seven years ago.  He had to be quarantined another day after meeting him, and so the photo is post-introduction but pre-pick up.  Interestingly, the splotchy abstract rug I used for the background expresses how this week’s mess feels!

Also made a Jack card at the time:

SoulCollage - Jack

SoulCollage – Jack

The trip to the Vineyard meant not just making SoulCollage cards in the company of friends, but eating farm-fresh eggs and yogurt, and wonderfully prepared scallops and venison… it was the kind of trip that was going to be impossible for lots of time to come with a feisty, big dog on my hands.

Chilmark eggs

Chilmark eggs

That’s not why he’s back with the breeder, but as the week went on it became increasingly clear that the care of this dog was going to cross right over into the empty nest.  My sister appropriately quipped, “menopause puppy”.

Today I will quietly finish Barn II, taking small satisfaction in the fact that the power strip can go back onto the floor.

Instead of asking myself to ‘trust disequilibrium’, I am asking for self-acceptance in the face of a bad decision and for my son D’s forgiveness.  My intentions were sterling, anyway.

Enough said.

10 thoughts on “or not…

  1. Patricia

    following this thread and always have trouble leaving comments for some reason. but maybe this one will take. we’ve had several experiences of introducing new pups into an established pack–and my personal opinion after having done it once, with awful results, is that the older dog deserves to live out w/o the competition for attention. don’t know if that helps or not.

  2. deedeemallon

    saskia – yeah. It was tough to come to this, but trying to ‘stick it out’ with Jack’s aggression and more and more money for training, etc., would have been worse.

  3. deedeemallon

    Patricia – that DOES help, actually. Jack doesn’t want much. He wants very little in fact. It would have stressed him out on a daily basis, and who wants to do that to an animal? You are not the first person to tell me that if it didn’t ‘take’, it probably never would have. It helps to hear this as well.

    PS what happens when you try to leave a comment?! If easier, email me to let me know. I want it to be EASY for readers to comment!!

  4. Julierose

    Dee, I have been there…it is a very difficult, but courageous and kind decision to make. Your heart is definitely in the right place. It takes oodles of time and patience to deal with aggressiveness in a dog (I once had an aggressive doberman that really scared me- and went back to the breeder after 2 weeks of such behavior)(-AND I am a dog person–have had, trained and dearly loved 5 in my life). You are to be commended. It was not a good match. Julierose

  5. grace Forrest~Maestas

    when i read the previous post, and looked at Jack under the table,
    i thought Jack and i might be asking the same question: WHY??? What was the new puppy FOR? your son? and was he training
    him? caring for him? i didn’t get that sense of it.
    and to me, one puppy =s 17 goats. Dogs also are lifetime
    relationships. Jack has a long time to go and he has earned his
    rightful place in your home. it’s His home.
    I am glad to read this. We DO become more capable as we mature, don’t we. xoxo

  6. deedeemallon

    Hi Grace – you ask the right questions, not surprisingly. When I learned to scuba dive, the dive master said, “Never get certified to be able to dive with your partner… you have to do it because YOU want it.” And the same pertains to adopting a dog.

  7. ali

    Tough stuff, but it sounds like not making this decision would have been even tougher. I agree with Grace—one puppy in the house equals several goats outside! A part-time job that lasts a dog’s lifetime, to be sure.

  8. deedeemallon

    Hi Ali – thanks for chiming in. I don’t regret the decision one iota, but miss the little guy anyway. It is surprising how attached one can get in a single week.


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