looking in, out, down, and back


where I blog

Here I combine a meditation on windows with a celebration of the ease with which I can now access ALL our digital photos while in Photoshop Elements. It is probably good to celebrate SOMETHING about our ‘upgrades’ – at least until such time as I no longer feel the need to place ‘upgrade’ in quotes. Above photo was two days ago, chives this week, holey espadrilles and storm windows – all recent. The rest —  from 2003 and 2004, I think.


where the morning sun comes in


brother’s L.A. window – looking in at quilt populated with windows


view from side porch steps


front steps


cleaning of sills


garden installation helper (2003?)


looking aside (long ago – so looking back, too)


self portrait for project I no longer remember


sleep, window, blankies and boy

I am taken with this idea of looking back, archiving, revisiting images, partly from Jude Hill‘s similar impulse (scanning old journals and sketchbooks).  And, partly from a recently formed intention to melt away some of the regret and longing and sadness that seem to arise thinking about the past. I will look back and keep breathing.

C's bed

C’s bed

13 thoughts on “looking in, out, down, and back

  1. perlhuhn52

    “intention to melt away some of the regret and longing and sadness”, that touches me, Dee! It takes it´s time but one day you will wake up and think where is the sadness. I experience this sometimes now.

  2. Mo Crow

    what a beautiful set of photos love the sense of the other in “Looking Aside” and the composition of “cleaning the sills”

  3. deedeemallon

    thanks Mo. I can’t remember what we were looking at – but all the action is clearly out of the frame, isn’t it?

  4. saskia

    ouch, even though I wasn’t there I feel a sense of longing when looking at your images of those days gone by……..the sleeping boy brings Otter to mind, the trusting vulnerability of the innocent as they manage to fall sleep anywhere, anytime

    personally I find it very painful to look at pics-from-the-past, especially of the children; I could give many reasons, valid or not, however I don’t much like overanalysing myself; so for the time being I accept this emotional reaction as a given.
    maybe when there is enough distance in time it will become less painful, or without the sadness as Doris comments

    1. deedeemallon

      I feel the same looking at pictures of the kids and so have avoided them… I am interested to see what happens if I look at them and really keep breathing…

      and yes, Otter’s vulnerability and sweet trust is so evident in sleeping children

  5. Chloe

    Such sadness Dee, you’re making me watery. Why such regret? You have two fine boys and have clearly raised them with love and intelligence from what I’ve read of your blog these past couple of years. It’s important to acknowledge that sadness is there but just as valid to let go of it too, there’s enough sadness in this world. Hell, I’m no psychotherapist!! Sending you warm love on your journey.

    1. deedeemallon

      Hi Chloe, I probably ought to specify that this is not overwhelming or crippling sadness, or sadness laced with self-criticism. Most of it is the sadness at how transient life is. How fast it goes. How inescapable that awareness is remembering a child’s journey. I want to start printing and sorting our pictures and I have to deal with some of those feelings to get to it. Thanks for your reflections.

  6. Nancy

    I love this stream of photos…a river of memories. I’ve been going through old pics (yes, still!) and I rather like being wrapped in the warmth of the past. Maybe that is because now my children are so far…last time I saw them was 2-2012. Too long. I remember fondly being their mom when they were young. I don’t feel like a mom anymore. Today my ‘baby’ turned thirty. Jeez.

  7. deedeemallon

    it IS like a river… and it is so interesting to hear from readers who are positioned at many different places along the bank. A thirty year old!! Wow. But, I say that, and exclaim, and before you know it, I’ll be celebrating MY baby’s 30th (if we are all lucky… and continue to thrive!)… More than a year without a visit? That IS long.


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