Cornball meets irony?

OMG. The Hallmark movie producer must’ve said to scriptwriter: Get racy! Because instead of the usual egg nog or ubiquitous cocoa, the obvious couple-to-be drank wine! And instead of our heroine being a Gold Star Widow or a widow whose husband died on Christmas Eve or the single sister of a veteran serving overseas or the big city career gal in relationship with a chump who narrowly but conspicuously misses being handsome and who fails to appreciate either the spirit of Christmas or small town values (said spirit and values being interchangeable in the Hallmark universe), she was — gasp— divorced.

But we had many of the usuals: big toothed child fervently wishing for her parent’s happiness, the small town with over the top decorations, small town and better beau lining up so that to choose one is to choose the other, the town festival in jeopardy.

(Yes, I created Hallmark Christmas Movie Bingo — don’t judge!)

And don’t ask how it all came out. As much as I keep recording these narrowly disguised Christian homilies and watching them the way one might a road side accident (curiosity, horror, but also irony), I also take inordinate satisfaction in hitting “delete” halfway through.

My excuse? The same one I use for not sleeping well and to explain a rather pernicious inclination toward gloom: the news. What else?

But wasn’t yesterday an exciting one? It was one of those days where I broke down and watched CNN (I’m more of an MSNBC gal).

We now have Trump, his family, and his campaign gathering dirt on HRC from Russia while actively pursuing a business deal in Moscow and lying about it. “Where I come from, that’s collusion.”

Eric Swallwell

15 thoughts on “Cornball meets irony?

  1. Jen

    Too funny. No judgement here. I can’t even stand the commercials for Hallmark movies, much less the thought of actually tuning in. Just not my thing, but I do know a couple of people who are crazy for Hallmark Holiday shows. If I was a bit snarkier, I’d share your bingo cards with them 🙂

    1. deemallon Post author

      The movies are truly awful. Awwwwful. On a more serious note here are two holiday movies that I love: Queen Latifah’s “Last Holiday” and “Love Actually.” I used to watch “It’s a Wonderful Life” every year but at some point stopped.

  2. Joanne

    I have been recording, watching, enthralled by the mishaps in continuity (glass half empty, full, empty from scene to scene) etc. I record so I can skip the commercials. TiVo rocks. I would absolutely LOVE having your Hallmark Bingo Card Topics. Like the Best Christmas Gift EVER,

    1. deemallon Post author

      Will formalize the cards. And post. We have a computer that runs SageTV. I don’t understand folks who watch ads.

  3. ravenandsparrow

    Excellent! Your bingo cards are hilarious. I usually avoid the Hallmark Chanel like the plague, but last year on Christmas Eve my boys and girls were here and we tuned in to one for fun. The comments and jokes that resulted were side-splitting. We may make it a new Christmas tradition.
    About the news…I feel a weight beginning to lift.

    1. deemallon Post author

      Sounds like a fun family viewing tradition. They really are so hammy and obvious that they lend themselves to mockery.

  4. Ginny

    I’m with you in the gloom category, and holiday movies ugh. (Except for the Grinch, no surprise there.) I hate them with a passion. We watched part of The Ballad of Buster Scruggs on Netflix the other day as an antidote to the early holiday fervor. Was a bit much, but might be just what’s needed to shake off the holiday cocktail of gloom and saccharine. I had to stop half-way and start paddling back upstream towards Bing Crosby and Rudolph it worked so well. Give it a shot. Some really funny parts and (as those coens are prone to do) others a bit too grizzly.
    Heres a preview. LOL

  5. Mo Crow

    I love the Silly Season here in the Land Down Under where whole streets decorate their houses with Santa’s legs sticking out of chimneys, twinkly lights, fake snow and icicles, then have roast xmas dinners with all the trimmings accompanied by mulled wine at lunch time when the mercury often reaches 100˚F then everyone goes to to the beach for Boxing Day to swim it all off!

  6. Nancy

    Ha! I love this game! reminded me of the Huell Howser drinking game, for some reason. Maybe it is the silliness. I will admit, I do like some sappy, predictable movies…ya know boy gets girl-looses girl-gets girl back. This in turn reminds me of a Adult Swim small bit we saw…their take on movies…shows Wizard of Oz title and says: “I want to run away from home. I want to go home. I was home all along.” I’m still laughing over that one. Anyway, love the BINGO game. You could market some swell “holiday” cards like this!! I made a bingo game for training I was to present at work. heehee

    1. deemallon Post author

      I don’t know this drinking game. To call these sappy romance is to elevate them by quite a bit. They are really really awful.


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